just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
