I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
