allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
