this beer tastes like vomit already
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.