I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.