The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.