How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.