you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???