we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist