Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
