Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't deserve a penis
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
