Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
