And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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