Plan B is the new Plan A
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
