"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
