Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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