ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
