my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
someone owes me an orgasm
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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