Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I looked at my own cervix.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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