I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
