I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
