as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
