Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
