dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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