Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
