Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
