Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
did i just pee glitter
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
