I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
