My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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