last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
