im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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