You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My ass is underappreciated
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
