They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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