So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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