sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
