PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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