Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
