i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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