Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
