Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
