I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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