i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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