So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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