I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
