So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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