It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
