If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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