Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I met the friendliest cop last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
