how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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