I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
