I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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