Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
