i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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