Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also, beer. Big fan.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
