im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
