I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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