Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
