all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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