K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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