remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
