YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
