I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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