I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
