I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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