if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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