I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
