just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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