how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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