Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
