don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
