So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
